he wants to bone in the snuggie
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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