Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
