I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
