Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
