You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
