just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize