What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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