Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
