I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He has the fingertips of a God
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