we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
