im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
