Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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