just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
