she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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