So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
