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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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