The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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