Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
