I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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