if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
