I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just had sex on a roof
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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