You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
