I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize