oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
