I wish my penis had an off switch
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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