alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
