you guys were way drunker than both of me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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