I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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