Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
