Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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