Sober January is a disaster.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
