I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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