Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
