you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize