i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
