Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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