He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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