Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You can't motorboat a personality
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
