so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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