ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
