If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
