I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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