Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You dont lie about slip and slides
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
