I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
