I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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