babies were throwing up all over the place
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
