She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
