Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
