i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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