Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All the doctor said was why
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
