Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
