Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
