I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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