Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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