Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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