how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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