You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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