So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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