boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
