tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Two words: nipple clamps
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