I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize