so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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