Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
