He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
