she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
