Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
