Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
