He kissed a someone with a penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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