Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
