Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
