you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
