I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
