i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
