I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize