the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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