don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
