But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
