no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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