Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
