I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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