just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
