shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
