I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
