is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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