Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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