Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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