If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
