She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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