I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
