so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
