So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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